Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize