cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
