just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
