We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
