I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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