I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
