The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
