Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it because I queefed?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
