i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
