The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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