i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize