3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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