i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize