??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
