the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
