hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
