There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
