Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
