Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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