u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
