I just threw up on my dentist
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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