I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
