I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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