i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
