I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize