her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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