Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
