$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what day is it and did you see me today?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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