I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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