Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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