I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
