dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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