You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize