either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
