dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
