i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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