currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
