you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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