And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
