You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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