im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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