end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
