dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
