dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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