I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
