...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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