I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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