Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize