How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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