You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
