Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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