the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Say something about gay babies.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
