You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
