i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize