I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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