i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
