I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
