normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
