the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
