I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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