You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
