After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
