Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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