all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
