He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
being pregnant is like rehab
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
