What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize