Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
