you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm too high and old for this...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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