Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
