I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
