I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
barbara walters just said penis...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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