Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
