What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
