im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
