i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
