he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
