you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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