Your face is a jimmy john
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone came in the potted fern
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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