Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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