are you so shy because you have an std?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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