I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she peed on how many people?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
