Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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