Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
