being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Pooping to opera.
Randomize