So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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