just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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