Just cropdusted the office
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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