May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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