he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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