problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
