I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
