I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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