I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's great music for shaving your balls
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
