You smell like stripper and shame
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
