The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how drunk are you?
Several
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
