sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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