You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize