people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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