I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
